I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
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She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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