i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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