In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
