no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
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She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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