I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
