would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The power of my boobs compel you
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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