In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
