apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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