I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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