You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
