I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
