Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
