Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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