I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
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He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
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Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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