it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Mom said you looked used
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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