I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
