Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
