hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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