fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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