That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
