Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
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I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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