problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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