Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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