When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
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I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
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He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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