Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
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you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
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New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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