listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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