I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
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One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
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Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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