So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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