My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize