Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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