There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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