I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
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If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
jump out the window naked night went bad
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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