I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My penis needs a shock collar
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
