Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
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eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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