It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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