Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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