I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
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I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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