Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
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I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
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Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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