yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.