she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
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Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
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My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now