if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..