I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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