Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize