Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
