if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?