I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long