I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?