Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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