Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Randomize
