you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
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she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
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He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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