my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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