Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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