ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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