Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
